i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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