I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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