Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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