I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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