i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
