My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
