so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
