when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
