I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
