haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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