I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
