Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
