I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I deserve this hangover.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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