Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
