Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
