Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
