farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
