wanna go halves on a baby?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
