Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
