Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
