i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
