Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
