sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
