Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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