if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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