3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In America we eat man semen.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
