Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
