Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
