from now on my penis is your penis
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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