yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
