Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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