The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
