Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
