Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
