I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize