It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
