Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
