The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
