Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
