Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
