Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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