the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
