When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
