You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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