a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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