I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
