dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
