he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
