He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
