The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
