Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
