i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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