i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
