Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
