I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
