why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
