My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
