guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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