i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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