kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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