He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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