If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sarcasm needs its own font
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
