wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
